1. A huge boozing bender is non-ideal preparation for a flight that turns out to be rather longer than you think.
2. The man sitting next to you on that long flight most definitely agrees with that.
3. Rented motorbike helmets are largely for cosmetic purposes. You might as well duct tape a waste paper bin to your head for protection.
4. You shouldn't let that stop you getting up to 113mph though. No sirree.
5. Tenerife resorts are mostly pretty boring.
6. …unless, apparently, you're a elderly Brit
7. …who doesn't want to go without a daily full English breakfast and Coronation Street.
8. For just 10 Euros you can buy a genuine designer watch from a friendly African street retailer.
9. …just look at my new Gemporio Harmani for proof.
10. …it only loses about three minutes a day. Quality.
11. Surfing is hard
12. Or perhaps I'm just rubbish at it.
13. If you have a photographer who takes 260 pictures of your two hours surfing, one of them, and one only, will make it look as if you can do it.
14. I am an ace surfer. I have pictures to prove it.
15. Marmite chocolate – gag-making when hung over. Strangely tasty when in full health.
16. Yes, you read that right. Marmite chocolate.
17. Travelling nearly 2,000 miles to Tenerife to escape Christmas and the New Year doesn't mean you won't bump into someone from work.
18. If you go for a massage and they ask you if you want 'extra', say 'yes'.
19. …but don't complain when you then get ten more minutes of the same massage.
20. It was totally worth it.
21. No 20 refers to the holiday, not the massage.
posted by Peter The Great @ 10:05 PM
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