The Archive

Naboo to a goose

One thing I've forgotten to mention so far is Wig's tendency to shout 'Naboo' every time we passed a mosque.

Because he's culturally sensitive like that. Of course, sci-fi imaginary worlds are absolutely nothing like the architectural triumphs of ancient Islamic civilisation.



The planet Naboo from Star Wars



Istambul's blue mosque

Hmm, ok he might have a point there. Nevertheless, let's move on.

Today was to be another big day of sights. Fortunately for us, the people of Istambul had arranged their top tier things to see in a handy cluster where the city juts into the Bosphoros.

So, what did we see?

It starts with the Blue Mosque - an ancient mosque so named after the blue tiles inside which, sadly, we did not see because prayers were taking place at the time and apparently they don't take too kindly to tourist poking around and shouting 'Naboo' whilst they are trying to commune with God. For some reason.

So far, so impressive. Next up was the Hagia Sophia mosque, just across the park.

Actually, this isn't a mosque anymore and is classed as a musuem. And whilst we're at it, it was actually built as a church.

In fact, this was once the largest enclosed space in the world and marked the peak of glory for Constantinople, which the city was known as when it was part of the Christian Byzantine empire.

Gradually, the Muslim Ottoman empire grew into Turkey and beyond into Bulgaria until the city of Constantinople was a small Christian enclave right in the middle of a load of Ottoman space.

Problem was, for centuries armies had tried to take the city, but the formidable natural defences of the coastline and a bloody massive wall on the land side had stopped literally every attempt at seige and invastion, except those that had inside help to open the gates and other such treachery.

Until 1453 that is. In that year, the Ottoman sultan Mehmet invaded with a massive army and laid seige to the town, eventually succeeding in taking the city, turning the church into a Mosque and earning himself a place in history.

So what was it that made Mehmet victorious after centuries of failure?

Some say he was appointed by Allah to spread the world of the faithful.

Some say he was a young genius, with a military mind unmatched in his time.

And other say he lived at a time gunpowder really got going, had built a bunch of fucking massive cannons and blew the shit out of the previously impenetrable walls with a technology that had not previously been available.

I'll let you decide which school of thought you favour for yourselves.

So anyway, that's how Constantinople became Istambul and that song came about.

Right, on with the sightseeing. Next we popped in to the Cistern. Yes, I know it sounds like a massive toilet, but it was in fact an underground reservoir, supported by hundreds of columns in which water, that was brought to the city by aqueduct was stored.

'But wouldn't it become yucky and stagnant' I hear you cry. Indeed yes, but to keep the water clean, they filled it with, er, golfish.

Not sure how that works to be honest, and the issue of fish shit springs instantly to mind. But nevertheless, we went into the cistern and wandered on a walkway over the water around the columns.

I loved it. It was all cool and peaceful and full of fish. Highly recommended.

And still, there are more sights on our doorstep.

After successfully taking Istambul, Mehmet II started building a palace, known as the Topkapi Palace. This is just behind the Hagia Sophia mosque and constitutes a number of courtyards and buildings, making it feel more like an ancient holiday camp than a castle of any kind.

I have to say, at this point my enthusiasm for sights was flagging, but when I got in there, it was totally worth it.

Firstly, the palace is laid out on a great location, with some amazing courtyards overlooking the Bosphoros.

Secondly, the palace houses a number of old Ottoman treasures. And let me tell you, those Ottomans loved their bling. Puff Daddy would be shamed into an embarrassed silence by some of this stuff, my personal favourite of which was the Topkapi dagger.



The Topkapi dagger, bitches

Thirdly, there were also a range of holy relics on display in the palace, including some hair from the beard of Mohammed, and the staff of Moses (it looked like a stick).

So if that's not enough to keep you interested, I don't know what is.

Oh, yes I do. There is also the harem (from the Islamic 'haram' for 'forbidden') in which not just all the Sultan's hos lived (it gets more hip hop cliche by the minute doesn't it?) but also his sons.

Yes, the Ottomans had a fine tradition of succession. Unlike our boring old 'eldest son gets it' system of old, the Ottomans did it far more excitingly.

Quite simply, when a sultan died, all his sons were expected to try to kill each other until only one of them was left. He was then the new sultan. Simples!

Unfortunately, being kept in isolation in the harem in their early years wasn't great for the proto sultans' mental health, culminating in the reign of Ibrahim the Mad (clues are in the name, folks), who was obsessed with fat women and sent his agents all around the empire in search of fatties.

This was good news for the larger lady, but not as good as it looked, as he later had 280 of his harem drowned in the Bosphoros.

Still, we all make mistakes, don't we?

So that was Topkapi palace. Well worth a visit if you're in town.

But wait, there are yet more sights. On the way back to the hotel we stopped by the grand bazaar.

It was a big shopping centre. OK, the building was ancient and the site has been active for centuries, but that still doesn't make me want to buy a fake Gucci bag or a pair of Turkish slippers or a backgammon set. Sorry guys.

The best part of the grand bazaar was when one guy pointed at Dump and declared 'You guys don't keep your promise!'

We have no idea why.

OK, that's the bazaar out of the way, let's get back to the hotel for some dark time before going out for our big Saturday night.

posted by Peter The Great @ 12:10 PM