The Archive

Google U

I have discovered a great new game, using the joys of the google autocomplete function.

Assuming it's suggesting the most popular queries which match your opening words, you can learn an awful lot from it.

For example, my boyfriend is... returns 'a prick', 'boring' 'ignoring me' 'a virgin' and 'selfish'.

Girlfriends, on the other hand, are 'fat' 'a slag', 'pregnant' also 'boring' and, curiously 'the president' (I'll admit, that one surprised me.)

What doesn't appear on either list are 'Lovely', 'nice', 'sexy' or anything positive at all (except possibly 'the President', depending on how you feel about politicians I suppose).

So the google view is pretty bleak for relationships.

But how do we feel about ourselves? Well, apparently I feel like...

'killing myself', 'dying', 'a failure' and 'crying' (crikey, no wonder our boyfriends/girlfriends can't stand us).

On the plus side, I also feel like 'dancing' and, rather brilliantly 'chicken tonight'.

Never mind, perhaps we'll be happier at work, because my job is...

'boring', 'making me ill', 'so boring', 'killing me' and 'making me miserable', although that may take the sting out of the fact that it is also 'being advertised'.

OK, that didn't work. Let's try this: I smile when...

'You smile' (ah, sweet), 'I think about you' (lovely), 'I'm nervous' (how cute), 'I see you cry' (um, ok, psycho) and 'I gank' (what?).

So there it is, readers. We have learned that we hate our partners, we don't think much better of ourselves, we can't bear work, but they don't seem too keen on us either, and we're only really happy when we, er, gank.

You know what, I take it back. It's a rubbish game.

Sorry.

posted by Peter The Great @ 11:05 PM