The Archive

That old magic called love

Well, I hope you all had a lovely Valentine's day. To keep you in the mood, here's a story about people killing a psychic because she failed to bring back a lost love.

And they say romance is dead.

In actual fact, there is so much wrong in this story, I can hardly even count the ways. But I'm willing to try. For you. Because I care.

Tanya Nelson and her accomplice Philippe Zamora, both of Roanoke Rapids, North Carolina, murdered Ha 'Jade' Smith and her 23-year-old daughter Anita Vo because Smith had been unable to get Nelson's lover to return to her with her 'magic powers'.

So Tanya and Phillipe decide to kill Ha (which, as a name, is pretty funny in it's own right. I wonder if it's even possible to call out to her without sounding sarcastically amused?) because she 'wasn't really magic after all'. Good Lord. I can only imagine what happened when they found out about Santa.

The court in Orange County, California, heard that Nelson, a long-time friend and client of the victim, was angry when Miss Smith wrote to her saying that she couldn't change reality.

Right, so it's not even that the woman claimed to be magic but failed. She just admitted to not being a proper witch. Surely that puts us all in the frame? I could be next, because I'm not magic either. I'm afraid.

She allegedly hired (Phillipe) Zamora and persuaded him to take part in the killings by promising to arrange gay sex partners for him, according to the Orange County Register.

One word, Phillipe... Craigslist. You don't have to kill to find gay sex partners. You really don't. On the plus side, where you're going, you'll be just fine.

In April 2005, the pair travelled to California and tricked their vitim into letting them into her home, where Nelson reportedly stabbed Miss Vo and Zamora killed Miss Smith. The wounds on the victims' faces were painted white, apparently to hide the injuries.

Have 4 seasons of CSI taught these people nothing? What did they think was going to happen?

Cop 1: "Hmm, these woman appear to be dead."

Cop 2: "Really. Any signs of violence?"

Cop 1: "Nah, they probably just died for no real reason. Although it does look like they were getting ready for a mime convention. Probably not worth investigating though, seeing as there are no wounds and all."

Cop 2: "You're right. Let's go to the gym, because the doughnut eating cop is a cruel stereotype and I cry a little every time we're mocked on TV."

Cop 1: "OK. And we can quietly let some black people go about their business on the way. Let's go!"

I'm just not seeing it, I'm afraid.

Philippe Zamora has pleaded guilty to murder and faces a minimum of 50 years in prison. He has been the prosecution's chief witness against Nelson in the trial.

Obviously Philippe didn't need my advice above, he'd already heard. Looks like he can't get himself slung in prison fast enough.

But what of Tanya?

Tanya Nelson has been charged with two counts of murder plus the special circumstances of committing multiple murders, murders for financial gain, and murders during the commission of robbery, burglary and by lying in wait.

Sorry what? Two people killed, two counts of murder, surely? And what's with all these flavours of murder anyway - how can you murder during the commission of robbery without also murdering for financial gain?

And as for murder by lying in wait... crumbs. Apparently, if you seek someone out and give them a good murdering, that's somehow not as bad as murdering them by lurking around waiting for them to show up. OK, I'll admit it's a bit sneakier as an approach, but isn't the real problem the murder?

It's a shame, really, 'cos I was going to do a bit of lying in wait this evening, but this has put me right off.

In other news: If Peter the Great cannot go to the gym, the gym shall go to Peter the Great.

Today Castle Godwig took delivery of a Concept 2 rowing machine. Huzzah! My days of lard and laziness are numbered.

The Godwig gym is now accepting applications for membership. Please note, we have a strict 'no tops' policy.

posted by Peter The Great @ 7:28 PM