No need to ask Y
Apparently scientists have made a breakthrough in the manufacture of sperm from stem cells, leading to the unavoidable conclusion that men may shortly no longer be required for reproduction.Now obviously, being a man, I don't want to become extinct, so I would like to suggest...
5 simple steps men can take to forestall redundancy
- Put everything in the world into jars and seal them tightly.
- Embark on a mass campaing of confidence-shattering abuse ("You're so fat/ugly/annoying, not even a fake sperm would have you. You'd best stick with me.")
- Learn to listen.
- Instal spider-ladders on the side of all bathtubs (although as a spider-wuss myself, this doesn't help me one iota).
- Go down. Stay down. Follow instructions.
See, lazy sexism can be fun!
Fortunately we don't have to worry quite yet. Professor Azim Surani, a specialist in physiology and reproduction at the University of Cambridge, said... "These sperm-like cells made in a dish from embryonic stem cells are a long way from being authentic sperm cells."
So really, they're just fake sperm, low-quality knock-offs. They are pirate sperm bought from a dodgy market stall that will result in a patchy, out-of-focus baby.
But still, a Confuscious says, a journey of a thousand miles, begins with a wonky sperm, so we'd best start planning.
posted by Peter The Great @ 9:38 AM
4 Comments:
Presumably 'Confuscious' is the slightly bewildered sibling of the better-known Confucius?
Loving point 5. Obviously.
Yes Orange, it was a brilliantly clever wordplay combining Confucious, conscious and confused.
Clever eh?
I would personally advise against any man following point 2 - unless he wanted to become extinct even faster!
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