Political Party
That's correct folks, it's a massive news day for politics and I shall eschew my usual studied neutrality to offer an analysis of the biggest political story of the day... David Blunkett's assault by a cow.The Labour MP and State Stasi enthusiast said, "it was a "miracle" he escaped death or a punctured lung, as one of the cows fell on to him."
We can only hope he maintained the presence of mind to shout "I'm under a cow, I'm not alright." in order to squeeze a little bit of comedy out of the situation.
Although in fairness, he did maintain the good humour to say "I know the public are furious with politicians, but I didn't realise the anger has spread to Britain's cow population too."
Call it Sane Cow Disease. Or Blind Rage.
One also wonders how exactly he got out from under his cow. Did his dog go for help, Lassie-style?
"What's that Sadie? A man? Trapped under a cow? And you want us to follow you and help him. OK, I'll just get my... what's that? Blunkett you say? Oh, fuck it then."
Poor dog, must've been looking for hours.
Although quite detailed on Blunkett's breakages, the story does not, sadly, inform us of how the cow fared.
I like to think it ran off and escaped. Otherwise it'd be languishing in a cell somewhere for the next 42 days.
Also, allegations that the cow would never have got away with if it had been carrying an ID card were scorned by the other big political figure in the news today, Nick Griffin. "An ID card would make no difference in this case," he said, explaining, "Because those damn cows all look the same to me."
He then added, "Send them all back to Fresia, that's what I say."
posted by Peter The Great @ 11:19 AM
3 Comments:
There has been an alarming number of reports (well, about 5) of bovine attacks recently. It's like 'The Birds' except with cows.
I hope Blunkett's dog was ok...?
Of course, it would have been alright if it had been Nick Clegg instead of poor old Blunky - Lib Dem's are always to be found safely 'on the fence'.
I particularly liked the advice from the aptly-named Allison Pratt (you can spell it with 2 ts, love, but you're still a pratt, ha ha) of the National Farmers' Union, who advised anyone who finds themself in a similar situation to 'make their way quite quickly to the edge of the field'.
I know that there is something deeply wrong about laughing about a blind man being trampled by a cow, but I would laugh just as hard if the victim weren't blind- does that make me less evil?
Who are the people the BBC thinks are so stupid they need to be told to "make their way quickly to the edge of the field" when being chased by an angry cow?
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