The Archive

Magic Roundabout

I guess the celebrity merry-go-round is starting to turn ever more quickly.

There was once a time where an aspiring singer would work hard in pubs and clubs, build up a reputation and, if they were lucky, get signed to a label.

A record would be released and, if they were talented, lucky and (let's be honest) sufficiently good-looking, they would become famous.

For a short while, they'd be in the papers every day, a nation's darling.

Then, in search of a new story, the press would turn. 'Celeb going off rails' stories would abound.

And then, finally, in a desperate attempt to regain some positive headlines, our plucky sleb would check into rehab for a stint, in preparation for some life-affirming 'my recovery from drugs hell' coverage.

Simple.

So how impressive is it that Susan Boyle managed to cover all that ground in just a few weeks?

April 11th. Boyle appears on Britain's Got Talent and sings a song.

She becomes a yotube sensation. The papers pick up the baton and start running...

April 17th. There's plenty of support for singing sensation Susan. Ain't she great?

April 22. 'Yes she is' reply a growing coterie of celebrity fans, who know a bandwagon gathering speed when they see one. Boyle wins new US celebrity fans

April 28. The good times are going strong, but you have to keep the fire stoked somehow. Boyle learns the art of a press denial, which of course, creates a story. Susan Boyle not quitting BGT show

May 11th. When even Oprah wants to know all about you, you've made it. Boyle's dream continues on Oprah. Oh, and she even gets a mention on The Simpsons.

And Lily Allen 'blasted' her around this time as well. No-one cared.

But let's face it, fame is a mountain, and once you've reached the top, there's only one way to go isn't there?

The cracks begin to show.

May 28th. BGT's Susan Boyle 'swears at police'. Oops, naughty. You're supposed to be an angel dear. Albeit a hairy one who just sings instead of actually doing good deeds and is controlled by multi-millionaire media moguls instead of, er, God.

May 29th. The internet reacts in typically sensitive style, launching an online game where users try to protect Boyle from the media spotlight, and failure results in a breakdown. Boyle's Breakdown online game hits the web

30th May. There's still hope though. Britain's got Boyle fever (sounds like something nasty you'd treat with penicillin, doesn't it?)

But oh no! Later that night, she doesn't win. The dream is over, the lovely bubble has burst.

What to do? What do do?

I know! Rehab!

1st June rushed to rehab.

It's amazing isn't it? From nowhere to fame and right through the other side into rehab in just seven weeks.

Mind you, there's still a long way to go if we're going to get it down to 15 minutes.

Oh, and in case you think it's not all over for Ms Boyle, you're wrong.

For today she received, as a final nail in the coffin, the ultimate indicator that it's all over. She now has the support of Gordon Brown.

posted by Peter The Great @ 12:44 PM