Parrot fashion
This girl bought herself a nice little cuddly toy parrot from her friendly, neighbourhood 99p store.She rushed it home, eager to hear the warm and cosy parrot chat promised to emanate after pulling the cord on its back. She pulled the cord.
And the parrot said, "I'm going to rip you head off and shit down your neck."
Priceless.
This, of course, should only be the first in a range of 'Face Facts Furry Friends' a new concept in toys designed to prepare children for the real world.
Coming soon...
- Zoe the racist zebra. She doesn't think black and white should mix. Zebras are born free, whereas horses are born to work for others. It's the natural order, says Zoe. Zoe's natural habitat is rapidly disappearing. What a shame eh, children?
Sammy the sex offending skunk. He wants you to touch his brush, but it hides a nasty surprise.
Homophobic Harry Hippo. Boys shouldn't kiss boys, says Harry. But take a closer look. That mud he's wallowing in conceals terabytes of gay porn. He says it's 'research'. Do we believe him, kids?
Alan the Alcoholic Alpaca. He's really cute and comes complete with his own little hipflask accessory. Press the bottle to Alan's lips to watch him start spitting, swearing and pissing uncontrollably. Collect all 5 - Happy Alan, Melancholy Alan (sings Irish Folk Songs), Angry Alan (with realistic kicking motion), Unconscious Alan and Regretful Alan (pull the cord to hear him promise you anything you want for a second chance).
The Nu-Labour Unicorn of Truth. He'd never lie. He always has your best interests at heart. And he doesn't really exist.
posted by Peter The Great @ 1:46 PM
2 Comments:
I want an Alan! Actually bugger it, I want them all. Please please make these?
Given the mother has decided it's a good idea to equip her 5 year old with hooped earrings, I'd say a swearing parrot is the least of her troubles.
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