Pipe Dream College
When you think about the town of Bournemouth, what springs to mind?Pensioners in blue rinse, lapping at a Mr Whippy on a windswept beach? Lovers frolicking together into the sea, and immediately out again as the frozen water dampens even the most youthful ardour?
Packs of hen parties (bachelorette parties) rampaging around the streets, cackling and laughing at themselves as if nobody had ever worn a pink cowboy hat before?
Well put those dated, jaded perceptions into the history closet my friends, because Bournemouth is now at the cutting edge of academic achievement.
Bournemouth and Poole College has launched its new BTec in… surfing.
Oh yes, why study for those tedious A-levels in something as trivial and ultimately useless as maths, physics, English or a foreign language (and to many of the residents of Bournemouth, let’s face it, English is a foreign language) when you could be preparing yourself for a career in the thriving and vibrant British surfing industry.
With such modules as ‘Introduction to Sex Wax’, ‘Picking a Board – does size matter?’ and ‘Basic VW Camper Van Maintenance’, you will develop all the skills you need for a life on the ocean wave.
And even if you don’t go on to a career in ‘the biz’, you’ll find the skills you learn are totally transferable.
Imagine. You’re working in an office and you notice the parquet flooring is looking decidedly slippy.
Your quick action in applying a layer of board wax will not only save sprained ankles, but it will earn you a Health and Safety gold star into the bargain!
Imagine. You’re walking towards the sales department with a replacement toner cartridge for an urgent copying session. Disaster strikes! A foolish salesman whizzes backwards in his chair, knocking the valuable cartridge out of your hands and towards an open window!
Do you lose the vital toner, thus the handouts for the sales pitch, thus millions of pounds of business AND your job?
No sir, you do not, for prepared with the knowledge our BTec gave you, you have cleverly secured the cartridge to your ankle with a piece of string. You’ve saved the day! Have a promotion.
Imagine, your MD is preparing the annual report. It’s been a tough year, a demanding year. He’s stuck for exactly the right word to describe just how the credit crunch has affected the company.
“No problem dude,” you pipe up, “It was gnarly”.
Smiles all round, and a hefty bonus for you too. Awesome!
So what are you waiting for dude? Surf’s up!
Movie recommendation of the day… JCVD. A very good film, featuring Jean Claude Van Damme as you’ve never seen him before (ie acting).
posted by Peter The Great @ 12:12 PM
4 Comments:
Don't forget how 'well balanced' your approach would be, and the fact that you'd easily be able to recognise business 'sharks'. The giant dorsal fins do give them away somewhat...
Have you noticed how those pictures that are always published in Metro with the 'Look! (Slightly ropey) girls in bikinis! England basks in unseasonably high summer temperatures of 25C' stories that appear every year are always taken in Bournemouth? Now we know why: they're revising for their surfing degrees.
Would not be in such a hurry to condemn. Kent U does a masters in - drumroll - stand-up comedy. I was watching a female comic called Nicola Bolsover from the course doing her set. It was f****** brilliant. Let's wait and see - maybe they'll produce world class surfers.
Didn't detect criticism in the post, Norman. Merely stupefaction. Training to produce world-class surfers is a perfectly good idea, but I would suggest that there are better ways of doing it than by creating a degree course to do it.
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