The Archive

Attenborough market

Sir David Attenborough has revealed that he receives hate mail from viewers for failing to credit God in his documentaries. In an interview with this week's Radio Times about his latest documentary, on Charles Darwin and natural selection, the broadcaster said: "They tell me to burn in hell and good riddance."

Crikey. That’s a bit strong isn’t it? With the loss of Tony Hart, David… no that’s not right… Mr Attenborough is the closest thing we have to the nation’s uncle.

His gentle, soothing voice and obvious love for even the most bizarre of the planet’s creature should make him immune to such unpleasantness, surely.

Although I’ve never been entirely sure about his relationship with those gorillas.

But really, what next? A fatwah on the Werthers factory? A Papal bull against tartan shopping trolleys? (although come to think of it, I haven’t seen a tartan shopping trolley in a long time. Anyone know if they’re still around?) Buddhists chanting against two-feet-in-one slippers?

We must be careful to keep our avuncular figures safe, for without them, there would be nobody to shake their fists at children walking on their lawns.

There would be nobody left who could use the word ‘whippersnapper’ without sounding like a twat.

And who would remain who, with just a chuckle and a ruffling of the hair, could let you know that although you’d been a bit naughty, you were forgiven.

Nobody, that's who. And that, my friends, would be tragic.

posted by Peter The Great @ 12:04 PM