The Archive

Let him entertain you

Robbie Williams once wanted to stab himself.

Which is fair enough. I've wanted to do that a few times myself - stab Robbie Williams that is, not stab myself.

Turns out... you know what, this is going to be easier if I just reproduce most of the article...

The singer wrote on his blog: 'It was at Shelleys (nightclub) where I had my first acid experience. We were in Golden Hill, in someone's kitchen probably.'

'I was given a tiny piece of paper to ingest. E's were too expensive for the Potteries. £15 – who could afford that? There was a band called the Prodigy performing that night and I thought they were really good.'

'Afterwards we drove up to the garage and the police were on the forecourt. S**t, I thought. I want to go home, I'm scared. There is only one place I want to be – at home with my mum.'

'American footballs were coming out of the TV' the singer reveals.

'So I decided to go downstairs and stab myself. Mum came out of her room and said, 'What are you doing?''

The singer then told his mum: 'I'm just going downstairs to stab myself – do you want a cup of tea?'

There is so much to despise about Williams in this. First up "In someone's kitchen, probably". Oh come on, if you don't know where it was, don't just throw in some 'authentic' detail about a kitchen 'cos that's what happens to normal people right?

Then he seals his 'working lad' credentials with the shocking price of e's which he clearly could not afford. He's so 'street'.

And then he goes on to make 'no big deal' of the whole incident with the 'cup of tea' denouement.

What an arsehole.

And yes, I know there were no real jokes there, but I know you guys are smart people, so you can see what's so wrong about all of this right?

In fact, let me slightly rephrase the article in an attempt to reach the underlying truth for you...

"Robbie Williams said, 'Look at me, look at me, look at me. I'm cool and interesting. But also a normal guy. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me.

No, don't look at me. God, the price of fame is a real burden. Why won't you leave me alone."

posted by Peter The Great @ 6:21 PM