Edmond - redux
To save you the waste of time that is the film Edmond (starring and astonishing number of actors who should know better), I shall present the film to you in a more convenient format...A MAN leaves work. He is wearing a suit. He is a suit.
He stops off at a fortune tellers. 'Weird shit is about to happen' she says.
He goes home. 'I'm leaving you' he tells his wife.
'That's weird' she says. 'Get out'.
He gets out and goes to a strip club.
He thinks $50 is too much for an hour with Denise Richards.
He thinks $20 is too much for a naked dance from the lovely Bai Ling.
He doesn't want to pay $250 for a shag with Mena Suvari.
THE MAN is clearly an idiot.
He gets mugged. He buys a knife. He gets mugged again, but this time slashes and beats up his mugger.
Oh yeah, and he starts being all racist.
Suddenly and for no apparent reason, he becomes an entirely different person, manages to seduce Julie Stiles and then, again for no real reason, slashes her to death.
He gets caught. He goes to prison.
In prison, his cell mate is black. THE MAN spouts some more dialogue that sounds, on the face of it, as if it should be meaningful.
It is not.
Some more stuff happens. No one cares.
The End.
There. That's 82 minutes of your life I just saved.
You don't have to thank me.
There were, however, some good lines. Notably, whilst he was in prison...
"I was sodomised."
"Did you report it?"
"Yes."
"What did they say?"
"'That happens.'"
posted by Peter The Great @ 8:38 PM
1 Comments:
Wow. Even your explanation of this film was too long. It sounds dreadful. Could you compact the next dire film you see into 3 sentences?
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