The Archive

Where the beaches are white

...and the locals so friendly they can't stop talking.

That's right, it's Cornwall, which has developed something of a habit of discovering large packages of cocaine washing up on its shores.

This is good stuff. Some chap finds the big bundle of Colombian Chatterdust and wheels it home in his wheelbarrow until the cops can come and get it.

It never happened like that in Miami Vice, I can tell you.

In fact, I'm reminded of the rumour that went around that they were going to set Baywatch on a Cornish beach (am I remembering this right? Comments please). It wouldn't have made much of a show would it...

Mitch: Oo ar, how are thee Carolyn, the sexy lifeguard. Is that a new thick woolen sweater?
Carolyn: That is be Mitch. Kind of you to notice. What's going on on the beach today then?
Mitch: A million pounds worth of blow has washed up on the beach, that's all.
Carolyn: Oh no. Don't tell me a poor innocent has picked it up, planning to end his money worries by selling it himself, only to run foul of the dealers who lost it who have vowed to track him down and wreak a vile and bloody revenge.
Mitch: Ok. I won't. He handed it in.
Carolyn: "Oh."

Mind you, it beats the shit out of wandering up and down the beach with a metal detector doesn't it? All you have to do is sit on the beach and wait for the fortune to wash up at your feet.

Just wait, Cornwall will have a rash of its very own cargo cults before you know it.

So when you next visit Cornwall, try asking if they do Space Scones, see what happens.

posted by Peter The Great @ 4:13 PM