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I've been wondering recently, what is the most overrated thing of all time.

At first, it seemed like an easy question - REM, obviously.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realised there are actually quite a lot of contenders.

So here are my Top 5 Most Overrated Things of All Time (that I could come up with without putting in too much time or mental effort).

1. The ending of Citizen Kane. Dude, it's a sledge and you're a fucking millionaire. You can get a good one in Woolworths for twenty quid, so go shopping already. (gosh, reading that back, I seem to have become American for some reason. Sorry.)

2. That bit in Only Fools and Horses when Del Boy falls through the open bar. Come on people, it's a 'man falls over' gag. Funny, but not world-shattering. What? It could only be funnier if his trousers fell down? "More tea vicar?" Jeez.

3. Coffee. Coffee is bitter and not very nice. People claiming to 'need their fix' in the morning are just trying to tell you that they are important and hardworking enough to be overtired all the time. Of course, they're actually teling you how tedious they are and to back away slowly until you are safely out of conversation range, but please don't tell them that or we'll lose another valuable bore-spotting tool.

In reality, nobody actually likes coffee. That's why we drown it in sugar, caramel, mocha and any other flavour to cover the nastiness. Oddly, though, chocolate -coated coffee beans are yummy. I can't explain that.

4. Travel. Now I'm being quite specific here. I don't mean 'going on holiday' or 'visiting places'. What I'm talking about is the fetishised notion that so many people seem to have about 'travel'.

It seem like no dating site profile is complete without talking about how the person loves travel and usually including a bunch of pictures of themselves skiing, scuba diving and generally demonstrating how well-rounded and super they are.

It's all bollocks of course. These people spend at best 4% of their time 'travelling', which leaves 96% unaccounted for. And all this travel does not necessarily broaden the mind. It's perfectly possible to be a well-travelled moron (see 8 years of Lads' Holidays for details).

5. Boobs. Ha, just kidding, boobs are awesome.

5. Sushi. The sushi marketing board has managed to pull off the same stunt for their food that the wine folk have managed - and sushi doesn't even get you pissed!

That is to say if you tell people you don't like sushi, you are always left with the lingering suspicion that they think that sushi is still super delicious, but now they've have reevaluated you and found you disappointingly unsophisticated.

The truth, though, is that sushi doesn't really taste of anything. I'm sorry, it just doesn't. And what the fuck is it with the California Roll (I think that's what it's called)? It's a couple of slices of cucumber in a bit of cold rice! That's all it is people! And you're paying a quid for this. Wake up!

So there they are, my five most overrated things.

And in case you think I'm just being some kind of negative (and weirdly American sounding) jerkoff, here are 3 Things That are Totally And Completely Awesome and Could Never Be Overrated...

1. Crisps. All brands. All flavours. Crisps are fantastic. Although I must confess to a suspicion towards Pringles. Yummy, undoubtedly, but worryingly symmetrical.

2. Boobs. God I love them. Technically I do not believe in God, but there is some truth in the old saying 'there are no atheists in topless bars'.

3. Other boobs. Mmmm. Boobs.

So, what do you think?

posted by Peter The Great @ 8:27 PM