The Archive

Get wiggy with it

Just when I was beginning to suspect I had a drink problem, someone steps in to demonstrate what real problem drinking is…

'Violent' barrister 'waved penis about' at wedding

I’m not sure whether it is better or worse for everyone that the penis in questions was his own.

Anyway, apparently this man (a 40-year-old barrister, mind you) got completely bladdered and…

Dunn was asked if he had a tattoo of a white rose, to which he replied, "I'll show you a white rose" - then unzipped his trousers and pulled out his penis.

OK, so far, so not terribly unusual. I’ve done worse myself.

He then began waving it about in front of teenage bridesmaids and female guests.

OK, it’s getting a bit worse now. But really, once it’s out, you might as well ‘wave it about’ for the full effect. I can understand that.

It still doesn’t end there though and gets more serious. A brave soul apparently dragged the chap away from the horrified audience. And for his trouble, the drunken barrister beat the crap out of him.

Now, at this point I (amazingly) still have a tiny shred of sympathy for the beater (although rather a lot more for the beatee, admittedly).

Sometimes people do idiotic things when they’re drunk, it doesn’t make them monsters overall.

But what I have no truck with is that the moron in question is now in court trying to defend himself.

His barrister (for he has apparently chosen not to defend himself) is claiming that the victim is simply concocting the story to support his £27,000 criminal injuries claim.

OK, it’s conceivable that he concocted the claim.

Presumably he decided that to make it even more realistic, he’d better self–inflict such severe injuries that surgeons had to use metal plates and screws to reattach his upper jaw and both eye sockets to his skull. He was unable to go back to his job as a mechanic for more than a year.

Seems a bit less likely now, doesn’t it?

Oh, and he got a whole bunch of wedding guests to testify against the big (18 stone), stupid, bullying lunatic too.

Sorry, I’m not buying it.

Overall, Mr Dunn (for such is the barrister’s name), grow the fuck up. You got drunk and acted like a wanker. Now stop wriggling and accept the consequences like a man.

posted by Peter The Great @ 11:20 AM