The Archive

Putt putt

Fear ye all who utilise the roads of London for I am now empowered and enlicensed to traverse the tarmac on two wheels!

Or to put it another way, I did the CBT on Sunday so now I'm allowed to ride a 125cc motorbike/hairdryer. And I'm prepared to do it too, no messing.

I was pretty cocky at first, having a little bike experience of my own. But then I met 2 of the 3 other people taking the course.

"Hello, my name is Ossi. I'm from Finland, where I usually ride a 5.6 litre Kawasaki Hiroshima racing bike on a semi-professional basis."

"And I'm Alex. I am from Italy, so I have been riding since I emerged from the womb astride a moped, my helmet loosely propped on top of my head providing no protection whatsoever. Don't worry though, the beautiful woman riding pillion will break my fall."

It was only the presence of the fourth person, a slight young lady who'd never ridden a scooter or bike in her life that prevented me going home right then.

Either way, some might have thought that, as I used to own a 550cc bike and ride it in the US, a bit of basic training would have been easy.

Apparently not.

A combination of old age, mental detioration and the terrible nerves I get whenever I have to do something requiring co-ordination in front of an audience meant that, when it came to the training, I was totally and utterly useless.

It was a day that the plastic cones of Fulham will not forget easily, that's for sure.

And the cones formed a row as instructed in The Teachings. And the first rider of the apocalypse passed through the rows, sweeping majestically in a slalom that was pleasing to the Lord of Cones.

And the second rider of the apocalypse passed through as the first, each cone feeling the breath of The Spirit upon him as the mighty steed passed between the loyal cone subjects.

And then the wrath of the lord was passed upon the undeserving in the form of the terrible Third Rider. Screaming vengeance it was, crushing and scattering unrighteous cones in all directions, though none knew what they had done to deserve this two-wheeled torment from above.

It's a wonder they let me on the roads really.

Credit to 'the system' though, the training was pretty thorough and actually useful, despite the requisite 'idiot's guide' bit you always get with these things.

Instructor: "So, it's raining hard, what do you think is going to change from when it's dry?"
(awkward silence)
Instructor: "Might it be a little more difficult to stop?"
Me: "Argh, we all knew that. It was just so painfully obvious none of us wanted to say anything, in case it looked like we were actually pleased with ourselves for getting something so basic right."
(even more awkward silence)
Me: "Also, um, rain on the visor?"

Anyway, it was all rather good.

But my original intention was to do a bit more training then take the 'big boys' license and buying a nice proper bike.

My rubbishness on Sunday has made me realise that a little practice on the roads is required first, however.

So, anyone have a 125cc bike going spare?

Oh, and also Thai boxing and bike training have now taught me an important lesson...

Whatever you plan to do in life, if you're trying something out for the first time, no matter what other kit you may choose to borrow or hire, bring your own gloves.

My hands still smell of strangers' sweaty palms even today. Ugh.

posted by Peter The Great @ 9:03 PM