The Archive

Cell - a door

You have to feel sorry for the policemen who arrested Chris Tarrant.

Not for the unpleasantness of the job. I for one would have paid good money to arrest Chris Tarrant and get him off the streets and, more importantly, our tellies.

No, it's not that. But just imagine how hard it must have been to bring him into the cells and not make any of the obvious jokes.

"So, Mr Tarrant. Did you really assault a man in a curry house by bombarding him with cutlery?"
"No. I did not."
"Is that your final answer?"
"Very funny."
"Sorry Mr Tarrant. Now, we're going to have to keep you in custody for a while. Also, I am obliged to inform you that you still have the option to phone a friend."
"That's it. I'm suing.

The thing I find most alarming about Tarrant's defence is that the article states...

Tarrant said he did not know if he threw "a spoon, a fork, a napkin - whatever"

Um, forgive me, but isn't there a bit of a difference between a napkin and a fork?

For instance, if I were to get him to agree to let me whack him in the head with a napkin for a charity fundraiser, might he not get a little peeved if I substituted it at the last minute?

Tarrant: "What the hell are you doing? You've stabbed me with a fork."
Me: "Well, you know, napkin, fork, whatever. Oh dear, let me mop up that blood with a napkin."
Tarrant: "Aaargh!"
Me: "Oops, sorry, fork again. You're right, it is difficult."

Actually, that's probably worth trying.

posted by Peter The Great @ 9:00 PM