Grudge match: Peter the Great vs the Old and Disabled
It was running night tonight, which is something I enjoy and the last couple of weeks have been pleased to notice am getting faster at as well.So today I set off with the other runners, joyous and confident.
Then, after a couple of minutes, this guy zips past me, running along with an easy gait and an elan I was sadly lacking.
As he passed, I commented to myself how some people are just lucky enough to be born with all the natural advantages for running, noting that this chap had the build of a young Said Aouita (look him up).
Then, a split second later, I noticed that the guy who had scampered past me with such ease actually had ONE LEG.
Bloody hell, that's just taking the piss.
He got his comeuppance though, I passed him again a few miles later. He'd got a leg puncture or something and was sitting on a bench with his leg off (the metal one, obviously) frowning at it.
Ha! Stupid Heather Mills wannabe.
Sadly, it seemed he also had the monopedal equivalent of a puncture repair kit on him too, as it was only a couple of miles later that he zipped past me again.
This time, I wasn't to see him again until I staggered sweatily back to the changing rooms, only to bump into him on his way out, showered, rested, changed into street clothes and with his best 'going out' leg on.
I was hopping mad, I can tell you (rimshot).
Once Hopalongintothedistance was gone, I set my running sights on the guy just in front of me. He was thin and runnery-looking, true. But he was also about seventy years old.
I think it may have been Jimmy Saville, come to think of it.
Anyway, I decided to 'reel him in', as us runners say, and tried to up my pace to catch up with him.
About a mile later, I was just about abreast of him and, thanks to the lovely heart monitor Running Dave bought me, about a minute away from a fatal coronary.
Fortunately, that wasn't going to happen, because I'd have collapsed with heat exhaustion before that happened.
But I'd caught up with him, that was the main thing. Now I just had to keep enough in reserve to get him on the sprint finish.
Which is why it was slightly alarming when he started chatting with me in a clear and worringly not-out-of-breath voice.
I gasped a few monosyllabic answers back, desperate to keep that all-important sprint finish at the ready. I was not going to let this old man beat me. I had to prove I was better than him.
Then he asks if I was doing the marathon on Sunday.
"No," I replied, "Are you?"
"No, no," he said, with a chuckle, "This is actually my recovery run after doing the marathon in Paris last Sunday."
Recovery run! Marathon three days ago!
And he beat me anyway.
Bet he woudn't have if he'd only had one leg AND run a marathon three days ago though.
Yeah. I'll cling to that.
posted by Peter The Great @ 9:02 PM
2 Comments:
I think you should take comfort Peter. It's not something I'd be happy to put to the test myself, but an artifical leg must give you a serious advantage when running.
The single biggest problem for long-distance runners is injuries to the ankles and knees caused by the repetitive impact of constantly pounding ten times their body weight through them for 10 or 12,000 strides per run. By the time you get to our age the joints start to complain a little about this sort of treatment. This guy's leg was no doubt stronger and lighter than yours and fitted with state-of-the-art shock absorbers.
Think about it. If you get a sharp pain in your knee after a couple of miles, do you have the option of sitting on a park bench, turning a screw a millimeter or two then carrying on as if you had a new knee? I think not.
How easy he has it running on his bloody stumps....
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