The Archive

This post is brought to you by "Running Dave"

Goodness, such a backlog of things to blog about.

Today I'd like to draw your attention to a lovely piece discovered by Professor Numbers, in which a man has the temerity to complain when http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article1530572.ece BA upgraded someone to sit next to him in the first class section.


Well, specifically he was concerned that the person in question was, in fact, dead.

That's right, some old lady popped her clogs mid-flight, so the attendants, lacking a sufficiently large fridge for a body (that would be an awful lot of little meals on trays wouldn't it?), instead opted to prop her corpse up on a few pillows in first class.

What I'm having trouble puzzling out (like a round puzzle, not the flat kind) is what exactly the cabin crew thought was preferable about having a cadaver in first class rather than economy. Surely if anyone on the flight doesn't need the extra legroom, it's her.

Also, I was initially baffled as to why the chap sitting next to her was complaining.

I mean really, I spend most of my flights wishing to heaven that the person next to me were dead.

At least the dead don't a) babble endlessly about their trip b) take your armrest or c) smell as bad as the last person I was stuck next to, even after a couple of days unrefrigerated. Honestly. But then it emerges that the fellow didn't have to share his first class space with just the body, but also with two grieving relatives.

This not only shattered his peace, as they were unsurprisingly upset and grieving loudly in his ear, it also must have been, let's face it, a tad awkward.

Think about it. How tense is that first couple of minutes when you get on a flight and someone sits next to you? Should you talk to them? Introduce yourself? After all, you're about to spend 9 hours sitting within 50cm of each other.

So what do you do?

I don't know about you, but I personally settle for that weird half smile that I hope says "I'm a warm, friendly person with many friends. But if you try to talk to me more than is absolutely necessary on this flight, I will beat you to death with this in-flight magazine, possibly making me the first person in history to find it a useful addition to his flight."

So that's a pretty awkward moment.

Now imagine having that same experience to someone who's mother has just died whilst sitting next to the corpse.

Jeez. No wonder the poor guy complained.

Although let's also take a moment to observe that, obviously English, he did what we all would have done (admit it)...

"I put my earplugs in but couldn't get away from the fact that there was a woman wailing at the top of her voice just yards away."

That's right. Tricky social situation on transport, better pop on the Walkman. Of course.

That says, he does sound like a bit of a dick when he goes on to moan "I just kept thinking to myself: 'I've paid more than £3,000 for this'"

I'm just not sure the money is really the key issue here.

More mysteries abound in the story though (this really is a rich vein isn't it?) when BA tell us that they moved the body "because the rest of the plane was full.”

Um, I'm no international airline expert, but doesn't it seem likely that the woman actually had a seat before she died? Or have BA implemented standing room tickets since I last flew? So why did they really need to move her?

My personal theory is that Mr Trinder was being a dickhead to the cabin crew when he got on. Then the old lady died and they saw an opportunity to really spoil his day.

I know some cabin crew. They'd do it. They really would.

So, many mysteries arise from this story, but at least one is solved. I now finally have an answer to my perennial question to gate staff "What do I have to do to get an upgrade on this flight."

I think I'll stick to steerage.

posted by Peter The Great @ 9:16 AM