The Archive

Accept it - Americans are simply better at pimping rides

I've been watching a lot of MTV recently, mostly in the gym. Now at my gym, you need to know that that they play entirely different music to what is going on on the screen.

So when I say I've been watching MTV, I mean just that. No sound.

Fortunately MTV hasn't played any actual music since 1996, so that's not too much of a problem.

So today I saw two shows. The first was 'Date my Mom' or something.

Now, assuming that the absence of sound hasn't resulted in my totally misreading the programme and it's actually about young American teens discussing the implications of Wittgenstein on the study of philosophy, the show is thus...

A young man is going to date a young woman. Like blind date, he has three to choose from. Unlike blind date, he doesn't get to talk to the ladies, but he does get to go on a date with their mothers.

After three dates, he chooses the chick he's going to go out with.

Is it just me, or is that a weird and creepy premise for a show?

Mind you, you'll notice unlike most MTV programming, this is a strictly gender segregated idea. There's no 'Date my dad', where young foxes go out with three middle aged men in a bid to select which of their sons they'd like to date.

I don't know why, but that way round it seems even more wrong. And clearly the MTV execs agree.

Still, it's bad enough as it is.

On the other hand, it is good television. Or at least the last five minutes are. After twenty five minutes of cringe-making moments whilst the man 'dates' the mothers, we get to the bit where he chooses his partner.

Now he hasn't got a lot to go on here. He wants a fox, but is a foxy mother guarantee of a foxy daughter? Or will an outgoing socialite mother have the Ab Fab effect of generating a frumpy child?

He doesn't know. And that's why it's so good to watch his little face as the daugher of the lithe and lissom mother he has selected emerges in all her overweight and unattractive glory.

Then again, maybe it's all about the personality.

Like I say, there's no sound at the gym.

Fortunately for me, Date My Mom is followed closely by Pimp My Ride.

Now I don't know how much you know about the pimping of rides, but as my audience, I'd guess nothing. Or perhaps a little less. (Dad - to pimp a ride is to take a knackered old car and make it look very cool and packed with the latest pointless gadgets).

You may be aware, though, that there are both UK and US versions of this show.

And what a difference an ocean makes.

Let's face it, the Americans are far more suited to this kind of thing than we are. Don't believe me? The evidence...

1. The cars' names.
In the American version, cars recently pimped include an El Camino, a Chevy Blazer and a Ford Cougar. In the British one I saw today, they pimped a Nissan Sunny.

2. The cars.
In the US effort, the cars are usually some old and tired muscle car that have the look of faded past glories, of muscle gone to seed, much like Sylvester Stallone. By the end of the show, the cars look as if they eat tarmac for breakfast, pedestrians for lunch and speeding tickets for snacks in between.

In the opening sequence of the British version, they pimp an old Volvo. In the 'after' version, it looks like a new Volvo.

3. The cars' owners
The last episode I saw of the American show featured a dude who liked to off-road his truck and was a keen snowboarder. The British guy today opened up the back door to reveal that he kept in his car... a massage table.

4. The pimpers (Pimps? Pimples? I don't know, I'm a middle aged man for god's sake)
In the US programme, a crack team of car upgraders is employed. They have names like 2Shae, Beau, Gyasi and Mad Mike. The UK version takes the same approach. Their names include Martin, Junior and, er, Jamie.

5. The presenters
In America, the show is presented by Xzibit. Xzibit is a rapper who has sold over two million records and is a founder of the Golden State Project rap collective. We, on the other hand, get Tim Westwood, who plays records on BBC radio, features in a song by the Jeep Beat Collective entitled "Tim Westwood is a Twat" and is from Lowestoft.

Case closed.

Now it might go quiet for a couple of days as I have yet another glamour assignmet. Coventry here I come.

posted by Peter The Great @ 8:49 PM