The Archive

A bit of a prick

Thanks to A(nonymous) for today's tidbit about a man who had sex with a hedgehog.

I don't know what I find most amusing about this story.

First off, there's the moment when Mr Dorkov thinks to himself, "Hmm, this premature ejaculation is getting to be a real bother. I know, I'll get myself off the the witchdoctor. He's bound to have some ideas."

Then, there's the witchdoctor. He's sitting at home wondering how he's ever going to win that bet with his flatmate that he can make a man have sex with a hedgehog.

Enter Dorkov.

So witch doctor does his thing and his patient thinks "Shag a hedgehog. Seems a likely cure for my problem. And after all, he is a witchdoctor so he knows what he's talking about. Unless he's just one of those dodgy witchdoctors who get their qualifications on the internet I suppose."

And off he toddles, in search of an hedgehog. Where the hell does one get a hedgehog these days anyway? Maybe the witchdoctor had a gift shop. Or perhaps you have to catch your own. Or find a hedgehog bar where you can have a drink and meet the creature of your dreams. One only hopes hedegehog consent was involved (which itself raises the prickly issue of how a hedgehog does consent, but that's one for another time).

And then, of course, there's the hedgehog's point of view.

"Oh woe is me, I'm a hedgehog cursed with interspecies lust. But with this spiky exterior, how will I ever find a soft, puncturable human willing to satisfy my needs. Hang on, that dude's coming over. At last!"

The rest, as they say, is history.

In the words of the hospital spokesman "The animal was apparently unhurt and the patient came off much worse from the encounter."

Yep. That'll happen.

In defence of the witchdoctor, I'm willing to bet that Dorkov won't be ejaculating at all, let alone prematurely, for some time to come.

Oh, and I had a Big Brother moment of my own as I recently wondering if I was racist as I casually discarded job applications from a Pakistani and an Indian.

Then again, I like to think that the real reason they didn't get the job was that they were living in Pakistan and India respectively.

I mean, I commute a long way, but that's just silly.

posted by Peter The Great @ 11:36 AM