The Archive

Inadvertent

So there seem to be a lot of those adverts about telling me not to advertise my house, car or mobile phone to thieves.

Now I'm all in favour of letting people know how to increase their security, but the tone of these things is all wrong. What are they implying when they say 'don't advertise your phone to thieves'? Yes, they think we've been asking for it.

What's next?

Think twice before wearing a short skirt, don't advertise yourself to rapists.

Don't have an email address, you'll just open yourself up to Nigerian e-fraudsters.

Hmm.

There is an alternative. I'm no David Ogilvy (look him up), but how about an advert along the lines of...

"Stop nicking other people's stuff, you thieving bastard."

Or, and call me crazy for suggesting this, you could spend the money on the missing prison places or on policemen or rehabilitation for offenders or however you like to cut your gibbet to actually address the crime issue instead of blaming me.

I thank you.

Meanwhile, in other news, I have discovered that going to a bar which takes half an hour to serve you a drink does not, as you might suspect, make you drink less.

Instead it makes you order in bulk every time you get the chance, drink much more quickly to alleviate the rage at the hideous wait surrounded by dreadful morlocks and rock up home at 5.30 am with nothing but a weekend of 'why do I do this to myself' self-loathing to look forward to.

Don't do it kids.

And by 'it' I mean 'go to Digress in Soho'. Even if your life depended on it.

In other other news, I have been working for just under 3 months now. In that time, I have achieved many things, but possibly the most striking is having 50% of my staff resign.

Now that's what I call a measurable result.

posted by Peter The Great @ 9:22 PM