The Archive

I feel like...

I've said it before and I'll say it again, pandas deserve extinction.

First off, these creatures too rubbish to shag even when stuck in a cage with only one other panda for company (which is about as close as it gets in the animal kingdom to 4am, the lights are about to come up and there's only one member of the opposite sex still alone on the dance floor).

We even have to provide them with panda porn to get them in the mood.

Now, even when we let them out to find a mate more to their liking, they just end up fighting and running away.

Our panda goes out into the wild.

Like a man just out of prison, what do you think he does? Rush out to find the first willing mrs panda and shag her senseless right?

Wrong. You get into a fight with another creature, which you lose and then run off crying (probably) into the jungle.

And not even a decent opponent either. If it was a wolf or a tiger, I'd understand. But it was another panda. He got his ass kicked by a fucking panda. And is now missing.

I told you we're too soft on them.

If, like I suggested, we conducted regular, inter-species combat in a grand arena in all of our major zoos, this would never have happened.

posted by Peter The Great @ 8:46 PM