Real pain to my sham friends
After mentioning the 'angiogram' incident the other day, I should probably share my own romantic failures, in the interests of balance.I was in the pub with Kate the Artist when I couldn't help but notice a woman who walked in to the pub.
I couldn't help notice, because she was tall, leggy, blonde and very, very attractive.
"Obviously a model," declared Kate.
"I concur," I replied. Although it came out more "ththhahththtghgh" because it's hard to talk with your tongue hanging out.
So, I'm feeling positive, so I decide to talk to the woman. Not right now, obviously, but after I've worked up a bit of courage (aka drunk a lot).
Kate, to her credit, makes a sterling effort, suggesting that she join us at our table when she is seen looking around for a seat.
But it turns out she is waiting for her uncle and aunt.
Worse still, when they arrive, the three of them disappear to the restaurant upstairs.
Fortunately, I am the Grand Vizir of Romance (ok, I'm not exactly sure what a Grand Vizir is, but it sounds cool) so I came up with a plan.
I decided to purchase a bottle of champagne and have it sent to her table with a note, suggesting that it would be nice if she were to call me, so we could go out for a nice evening of drinking, dancing and her avoiding my clumsy, amateurish advances (going by previous experience).
Oh, I didn't actually write that last bit, by the way. Come on, I'm stupid, but not that stupid.
Anyway, how cool and romantic is that? How could she resist?
And so what if they didn't have any of the more affordable champagnes so I was forced to shell out for the top-of-the range bubbly. It just added to the classiness of the gesture, guaranteeing that she'd call, if only to say 'thanks for the champagne' right?
And so what if I couldn't really afford to do something like that. It just makes it even more romantic and irresistable right?
You guessed it. She never called.
posted by Peter The Great @ 7:14 PM
1 Comments:
A charming gesture indeed - which could have had any of the four following outcomes;
1. you proved that although endowed with great beauty, she has no manners or thought for others - in which case when she is older and her looks fade she will live out her days embittered, unloved and alone.
2. 50 other men in the pub had the same idea as you and her once proud and loving relatives now think that she is a nymphomaniac alcoholic and she's spending Christmas in enforced rehab.
3. The waiters mistakenly sent your champagne to the wrong table and you are about to be contacted for a romantic date by a shopfitter named Bruce.
4. The waiters drank the champange.
Post a Comment
<< Home