The Archive

Simpson eh?

I can't figure out if I'm enraged or cynically amused.

OJ Simpson is going to go talk to Fox TV. During this interview he will tell them, after years of denying the crime, how 'hypothetically' he would have killed his ex-wife and her friend.

What the fuck? The man denies murder, but is happy to go on record talking about how he 'would' have done it? What, have playground rules suddenly become applicable to grown-ups?

Maybe I'm just getting old, but what is wrong with us that we're prepared to listen to a man essentially confess to murder, with details, on television, just so long as it's only a 'hypothetical' confession?...

you know what, I've figured it out. I'm enraged. Let's move on...

I have found the gift for the person who has everything. Ideally it would be the figure skater who has everything, if I were honest.

It is the Sport-Tach.

That's right, no longer do you need to come off the ice and think to yourself, "That was a terrific spin, but how many times did I rotate, I wonder?"

The Sport Tach is the only instantaneous measurement device designed to help skaters increase spin and jump speeds.

The only one. Really? I'm shocked.

I particularly admire the curiously random layout of the website. And the unnamed, unrecognisable girlie who says "I can't wait to see if I'm the fastest at practice!". Because yeah, she actually said that. I believe you.

SPORT TACH - THE KIDS LOVE IT!

Actually, looking at the picture again, I'm pretty sure it's Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. Follow the yellow brick rink Dorothy.

Oh, and I've just noticed "Perfect for athletes, coaches and parents."

Parents?! Hyper-competitive lunatic sports-parents maybe.

Ah yes, I remember that memorable Christmas when Dad got me my first Sport Tach.

"Merry Christas son," he said, adding, "and a happy THREE HOURS PRACTICE TODAY. GOOD GOD BOY YOU'LL NEVER WIN THE GOLD BY LOUNGING AROUND IN YOUR PYJAMAS. DO YOU THINK JOHN CURRY LAZED ABOUT IN BED UNTIL LONG PAST DAWN? DO YOU?

PARENTS DON'T LOVE LAZY CHILDREN. YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?"

Ah, happy days.

posted by Peter The Great @ 8:35 PM