The Archive

a lot of hot air

Whilst aimlessly trawling the web looking for things to talk about, I found this report on the 'world air sex championships'.

You've heard of air guitar right? Well air sex is the same concept, only instead of an imaginary guitar, it's an imaginary partner.

Now the story doesn't specify this, but I'm willing to bet we can replace the word 'partner' with 'girl'.

Why do I think this? Well first up, it's only men that feature in the article.

More compelling though is the fact that the winner of the contest (and therefore the absolutely best air lover in the world) romped to victory with a display that lasted EIGHT AND A HALF MINUTES!

And that is from, by the report's own admission, 'ear nibbling' to 'afterglow'.

It won't surprise you to learn that he is single. It might surprise you to learn that this was a recent development, and one that possibly helped him win his crown.

She'd just dumped me two days before the contest," Cobra tells Weekly Playboy. "The air sex display I put on that day was, in my mind at least, supposed to be the farewell fling I really wanted to have with my girlfriend. It was the best possible condition I could have been in going into the competition."

Nice to know getting dumped isn't all bad news then eh? Of course it's hard not to speculate that perhaps the dumping conversation went a bit like this...

"Honey, I'll be home late on Thursday because I'm taking part in the world air sex championships. Wanna come and watch?"
"You're dumped."
"Right."

It gets better though. An 'air sexpert' is quoted as saying "If you get nervous, air sex is impossible," which rather implies that contestents have air impotence to contend with, although at least your partner won't feel they are in some way to blame for those instances.

But where does this end? Is it OK to leave immediately after air sex, or do you have to air cuddle for a while? If you don't use an air condom, are you at risk of catching a cold? And why does a small, secret part of me want to enter next year?

Questions, questions.

posted by Peter The Great @ 5:15 PM