Pitt the younger
A hearty "congratulations" to Shiloh Nouvel Cuisine Jolie-Pitt on being born and, if the gift of life weren't enough, also being offered that most treasured of possessions, a Namibian passport.It's just like a fairy tale isn't it? Little Shylock emerges blinking into the African sunshine to be met by a host of fairy Godmothers.
"I shall give him the gift of good looks," declares Genetia, the first fairy Godmother with a flick of her wand.
"And I shall give him the boon of loads and loads of cash," adds Celebrianne, the second Fairy Godmother, sprinkling him with magic potion.
"Sorry I'm late," whimpers Atulla, the third and final Fairy, "But I've come to give you good looks."
"Done that," shrug the other two.
"Fame and fortune?"
"Taken care of."
"Well what else could a child possibly want? Oh, I know, I'll make the little blighter a Namibian citizen, that ought to open a few doors."
"Oh Atulla, you are a one." (everyone laughs).
Lucky for Grain Silo, the official language of Namibia is English, which is impressive considering only 7% of the population speak it. And he gets a life expectancy of just over 44 years into the bargain.
Oh Africa, such a romantic and wonderful place. (cue mental voice over... "I had a farm in Aafricaaa.")
Also on the subject of Namibia, seeing as I've just checked it out on the CIA world factbook there's a really weird bit of the country called the Caprivi Strip that snakes out of the top right hand corner, apparently originally designed to give Germans access to the Zambezi river.
Oh, and their flag looks like it was drawn by a four-year-old and in fact belong attached to a Midwestern Fridge with a souvenir of New York magnet.
To get back to the kid though, you've got to feel a bit sorry for him. It's embarrassing enough when your friends fancy your mum, but when your mum is Angelina Jolie, you've got no chance have you? Still, maybe the hours he's destined to spend pulling his head out of school toilets because of his stupid name will help distract him.
Quote of the day: "Vodafone has met or exceeded expectations," declared the chief executive of Vodafone on the day he declared the biggest loss ever posted by a British company.
Now that's what I call expectation management.
Quote of the day #2: "No, it's between the estate and T K Maxx, that's why mum's gone to Iceland." announced Flatmate Dean, answering his own question about whether he was becoming a snob. Good work Dean.
posted by Peter The Great @ 7:58 PM
3 Comments:
I know that the gender (let alone planet) of 'Shiloh Nouvel Jolie Pitt' is hard to call, but thought that you might be interested to know that the child is a girl. (Despite the fact that, strictly speaking, that would make her 'Nouvelle').
Bloody stupid name, whichever way you look at it though.
Ah... Vodafone. Apparently they actually made billions and it was just all some weird accounting scam where they were forced to subtract all the money they spent on buying things from said huge profits. Those crazy accountants!
I'm not surprised really - their tagline here is "Life is Now" (in English), which is a bad spin on "Make the Most of Now". You can imagine it....
"We need a tagline for Itlay"
"Let's use 'Make the Most of Now'"
"No, no... how would they understand that in English?"
"You're right... let's use "Life is Now" instead. That would make much more sense to someone who doesn't speak the language"
Buy our product because "La Vita a Ora!" is something I wouldn't find terribly persuasive.
"e ora" even. And I'm not even drunk this time.
Post a Comment
<< Home