The Quest for Crumble
Our happy household decided to go for a ‘nice’ pub lunch yesterday. So we (me, Flatmate Dean and Sqautter Wig) went out for a lovely stroll until we came upon a pub called the Pig’s Ear.“Hoy hoy, I recognize that pub,” declared Flatmate Dean, “Flatmate Mark once recommended it in his blog.”
Assured by our discerning friend’s recommendation, we went in.
Now, I don’t exactly think of myself as a class warrior, but I have to say, there is such a thing as food that’s too posh. And the Pig’s Ear had it in spades. There was only one single item on the menu which did not include at least one item that we didn’t know what it was? (“what’s a celerium?” “I think it’s a supervillain intent on taking over the world.”) – scrambled egg on toast with salmon – for a mere £8.
And those things we did recognize just did not seem appetizing. Lots of things like liver and, believe it or not, bone marrow.
Bone marrow? Surely that’s for transplanting, not for eating. What were they doing, hanging around Great Ormond Street and suggesting to donors that they might make a few quid forgetting about the ailing child and donating to the Pig’s Ear kitchens.
And the bread. Well, as Dean said “This isn’t bread, it’s some kind of moss I think.”
Still, we ate (the least scary items from the menu, including Wig’s ‘air dried ham’. Air dried? Isn’t that ham that’s just been left out? Oh dear.)
Anyway, we all decided we fancied a nice dessert. But not fancying a quail’s appendix mousse or whatever else was on offer in the pub, we went on The Quest for Crumble.
Sounds easy doesn’t it? Finding a nice apple crumble on a sunny bank holiday Monday.
Not in Chelsea mate. Nothing so common as a crumble could be found, so we walked and walked until we returned to our working class roots and found a pub in Battersea that would deliver the good.
It all looked so good on paper. Crumble with custard.
And then it arrived.
First off, it had a pastry base. I’m sorry, but that’s a pie, not a crumble.
Secondly, it had custard all right, but a custard that was drizzled lightly around the plate, not even touching the crumble, in the manner of a Marks and Spencers advert.
Now it’s a known fact that anything that requires custard (and frankly, what doesn’t?) needs to come not on a plate, but in a bowl, so that the pudding can be immersed up top its metaphorical eyeballs in custard.
A drizzle just doesn’t do it. Sorry.
And finally, to add insult to dessert-based class betrayal, Dean took one bite of the thing before wrinkling his nose and announcing, “This tastes of cheese.”
Cheese?
It was true. Our suspicion is that some chef, overexcited by notions of his own continental cookery style, added mascarpone or something to the crumble.
Well, I say a crumble, but let’s face it, it was actually a cheese pie wasn’t it?
Bastards.
posted by Peter The Great @ 9:54 AM
7 Comments:
Tsk. You're not supposed to like it - just pretend to like it. Kind of like modern art.
I'm fairly sure I've never said anything about The Pig's Ear on my blog!
I have certainly (on 22 January to be precise!) been to The Pig's Ear - which I also found to be a depressing experience. My good lady and I, despite having booked a table, were shoved at the end of a large table full of braying Henrietta and Giles types who proceeded to smoke profusely all the way through our meal. I recall the food as largely uninteresting, despite various reviews praising it.
Speaking for myself, I would have welcomed a nice bit of well-cooked calf's liver or some such - but then I have always had something of a weakness for offal in general (a steak and kidney pudding just wouldn't be as good without the kidney, would it?) and liver in particular - I don't understand why so many people automatically shun it.
Anyway, I'm not taking the blame because of your drink-addled recollection of a conversation three months ago!
By the way, I'm not sure why your not recognising the ingredients should necessarily be a bad thing - it's hardly the restaurant's fault that your idea of sourcing ingredients involves wondering whether to push the boat out and buy John West tuna or stick with Sainsbury's own brand!
Celeriac (sic) is quite a widely used root vegetable and celeriac soup (which I believe you had), in particular, is a fairly standard dish to be found on many menus.
Next time you are wandering around up Chelsea way and want a bite to eat, try The Big Easy on the King's Road - it's a pretty simple surf'n'turf type place but you're unlikely to find anything too unfamiliar on the menu and even less likely to leave feeling hungry.
Thanks for the link, anyway - I'll have to try to think of something to write there now - but I feel I may have used it all up here!
PS I have written about the joys - or otherwise - of *eating* (pressed) pig's ear (at a Shanghainese restaurant in Soho). That was also fairly uninspiring - it was rather bland - but it did look impressive, like a plate of shiny marble.
Well it serves you right for eating in Chelsea, nothing more pretentious! Except I'll echo MO's opinion as regards the Big Easy. You certainly wouldn't leave empty! Has a bit of a vermin ie mouse problem, though, at least it did when I was last there!
Stop bleating. At least you managed to leave the house. I was stuck indoors with my broken back, a DVD of Cannibal Holocaust and a crate of ale. Now as I think about it, I had a pretty good time.
I don't think you can really blame the English for putting pineapple on pizza ...
And anyway, why would I care what an Italian thought about it? So they "invented" pizza, allegedly - I think it says something about a country when probably its most famous invention consists of putting cheese and tomatoes on top of a piece of dough and sticking it in the oven ...
Still, at least they don't produce Gouda or Edam and then have the effrontery to try and pass it off as cheese ...
What's wrong with Gouda and Edam? If you need to ask ...
If you asked a representative cross-section of the population (not just in England, either!) to name something the Italians had invented, I reckon the most popular answer would be "pizza". that makes it their most famous invention, in my book, irrespective of whether or not they were the first to think of it (and I agree, it's fairly likely that somebody else came up with it first - it really isn't such a hard idea to have!).
BTW, I think the pasta with Marmite sauce thing has been done - by Peter! Come to think of it, I think shepherd's pie curry has been ventured too ...
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