The Archive

Phooey

Tuesday 4th January

A friend of a friend, we’ll call him Bob, went out drinking last night. He drank a lot. Then he drank some more. Then a bit more. This morning, Bob woke up with a Philippino prostitute and a hangover the size of Montana. Silly Bob.

Anyway, because Bob is such an idiot, this entry may not be a) funny and b) in recognizable English. Sorry about that.

So, Maneesh had to work today, so I was forced to entertain myself. It’s a known fact that you are not really on holiday until you have been on a funicular railway, so I jumped on the train to Victoria peak, the ‘mountain’ in the middle of the island. It’s famous for it’s fabulous views of the city so naturally, they have built a mall at the top, replete with Macdonalds.

Obviously, this is a bad thing, not because it’s a symbol of the corrosive influence of western capitalist enterprises, but because I prefer Burger King.

So, at the top, I decided it would be nice to walk down to the city. It’s not far, about an hour’s walk I was told.

Except this is a city where nobody walks. I asked one woman “how do I walk down the peak back to the city?”

Her reply, “in a minibus”.

Thanks for that but, let’s be honest, that’s not really walking is it?

Eventually I found the road down, only to discover that it is just that, a road, without a pavement at the side. So basically I was walking down a twisty road full of blind bends, right in the path of oncoming traffic. Nice.

Fortunately, after a while a pavement did appear and life got a lot easier and I made it all the way back to the city without being run over very much at all.


The sun was shining all the way, but fortunately, Hong Kong benefits from a nice all-over factor 18 pollution haze, so sunburn wasn't a problem. I do have pneumonia now though. Swings and roundabouts.

The rest of the day was pretty quiet as I chilled out writing all this rubbish and sending emails to all and sundry gloating that I was on holiday and everyone else is at work (suckers).

Dinner was a nice Indian (it’s both a race, and a food) and on the way home I found myself walking through the Hong Kong equivalent of Soho. The only difference was the strip joints had the usual women outside enticing customers, but they are substantially more committed to their roles. At one point, I was grabbed by an old lady who tried to literally drag me into her bar shouting ‘just a beer, just a beer’. I was too embarrassed to punch her and only just managed to pull away. Then she called for reinforcements – a very cute young girl who draped herself across me.

This was far more effective, but after only about an hour and a half of stroking and cuddling, I managed to get away.

Oh, also, I nipped into a pharmacy to top up the travel medikit. After conducting the transaction, the bloke looked at me and said “would you like some viagra?”

Is it that obvious?

posted by Peter The Great @ 4:26 AM