The Archive

Moma Lisa

So I made it to New York, New York, which is a miracle considering the tiny, tiny plane I was put on (by American, of course).

I couldn't believe it when I got on. It was literally the size of a bus with wings, and American made it seem even worse by staffing it with a steward who was the size of an NFL quarterback.

He literally had to stoop every time he stood up, as his head brushed the ceiling of the plane.

It was a good job he was a big, strong chap though, as he needed a lot of energy to saw all the passengers legs off in order for them to fit in what passed for seats on the vehicle.

Honestly, I've been in a magician's trunk and that was bigger than the space allocated for me on that plane. And that's not a metaphor. Anything you've heard about me and The Great Marvelo is just a rumour. You can't prove anything.

But I suppose the point was the plane got me to New York safe and sound and I managed to hook up with my friend Marky Mark in time for another delicious dim sum lunch in Chinatown.

Then, being the cultured sophisticate that I am, I decided to go to the Museum of Modern Art.

OK, I'll admit they were showing an exhibition of totally cool Pixar animation stuff (sketches, models, colour charts and stuff) but we didn't actually know that before we went in.

The Pixar stuff was amazing. It's just mind-boggling how much work goes in to making those movies, and every person at every stage has to be not just an awesome artist but also able to work in the style chosen for the movie.

It made me regret my total lack of artistic talents, although I guess I have other talents so I shouldn't worry.

The ability to drink a whole bottle of wine down in one is a talent right?

We also checked out the main section of the museum where we saw a number of highly famous works of modern art.

Overall I learned:

1. Andy Warhol's Campbells soup cans come in a number of flavours. I thought it was just tomato, but apparently that is just the first in the series.

2. A canvas painted with white emulsion is art. Who knew? I suppose that means my old living room was art too. Although that was eggshell, come to think about it.

3. If you're in a room with a load of lead tiles on the floor, you're in a gallery looking at art. Or possibly having an x-ray. Alternatively, in that one room the museum was hiding something they didn't want Superman to find.

4. Very big works of modern conceptual art are better than small ones. This is because you at least get the feeling the artist bothered to put a bit of work in to these, whereas the small ones are just a con.

5. One artist made a piece of modern art (I forget what it was, a tap glued to a penguin or something). He then wrote an affadavit saying that the tap on the penguin had no artistic merit whatsoever. This he framed and sold as another piece of art.

I can't figure out if this is a bold concept causing the viewer to question their notions of art and merit or if, in fact, Beadle was About.

Overall, some of it was interesting, some bewildering and some just outright shit. A good experience though, and it makes me seem more interesting and cultured than I really am, so that's good too.

Then we went to a bar and got drunk.

Actually it was a pretty cool bar. Well, not cool exactly. The word Marky Mark used to describe it was 'divey' adding 'that's what I look for in a bar'. But it was exactly one of those long, dingy bars you see in movies, where the hero goes, sits at the bar and orders a whisky 'and keep 'em coming'.

Although later, when he's supposedly drunk, he staggers home, making slurred but witty comments to passers-by and sobers up with a single cup of coffee, rather than exposing himself to a homeless in a park and vomiting down his own shirt before passing out in a gutter. Like some people might.

posted by Peter The Great @ 9:48 PM