The Archive

After the disaster

I’m going to arrive in Madison on a bus at 2am.

There are a couple of things wrong with this picture. First off, I was supposed to be getting in at about 9ish to spend the one available evening with my friend Bill.

Secondly, Bill was supposed to be picking me up from the airport.

It’s all gone horribly wrong.

It all started, as these things tend to, with immigration. “They’d like to talk to you,” said the man on the desk.

So I get led into an office.

Now at this point it is only fair to point out that the LAX immigration folks were extremely nice, friendly, courteous and helpful.

I know, I know. I too have gone on record claiming that all immigration officers are the spawn of the devil. But these ones were really nice, going out of their way to get me coffee and something to eat.

That didn’t, however, mean that the beaurocratic machine didn’t keep me imprisoned for four and a half hours, during which I missed my connecting flight, and the flight after my connecting flight.

Oh, and I didn’t have a contact number for Bill, who may reasonably have wondered why I didn’t get off the promised plane. Oops.

Fortunately, though, I was flying American Airlines

5 reasons why I would rather riverdance on razorblades than fly American again.

1. 100 people in the queue to get tickets and book in. 2 desks open. The waiting experience (about one and a half hours) came in distinct phases. It started with patience, then went to mild irritation, then insane anger, then finally laughter and/or hysteria. Interestingly, you could look back at the rest of the queue and tell immediately which bits were in which phase.

2. Staff whose aspirations to be torturers or gym teachers were thwarted by their excess of callous disregard for the needs of others.

3. No internet access in the airport. This is the first airport where this has been the case (and I know, not strictly American Airlines’ fault, but I’m on a roll now)

4. No food on the four hour flight. No. Fucking. Food.

5. “Excuse me, could I have another gin and tonic please?”
“Of course sir. That will be five dollars.”
What!?

God I hate those bastards.

Anyway, I’m now heading into Madison, having finally caught up with Bill who has, sensibly, gone

UPDATE: I found a hotel, got several hours sleep, met up with Bill and am now in Baraboo, Wisconsin, alive and well.

And by well, I mean drunk. So hurrah!

posted by Peter The Great @ 11:07 PM