'tis the season
Ho, Ho, Ho.That's right, it's Christmas and if Santa truly knows his stuff, he will be bringing me three prostitutes.
However, it seldom works out like that for me, so this year I've decided to give myself the gift of avoiding Christmas entirely by buggering off on holiday. Ha. Stick that in your manger, Jesus.
Besides, you know the family Jesus enjoyed it as little as we do and that on the 2nd Christmas some friend of the Carpenter family was opening his present.
"Um, it's lovely Joe. Just what I always wanted. Er, what is it?"
"It's myrhh."
"Hmm. Myrhh. Didn't one of the wise men..."
"No. That was frankincense. Anyway, merry Christmas. And thanks for the socks."
All mutter curses under breath.
Anyway, the point of all this is to point out one of the most painfully liberal articles I've seen in The Guardian in a while. is it ok to give a goat for Christmas.
In this piece, some bleeding heart agonises over whether he should give money to charity as gifts for his friends and relatives and seeks all sorts of advice about what to do.
What the fuck?
Seriously, there is a very simple answer here (although admittedly it won't fill a page of broadsheet.) The whole point of giving gifts is to make the other person happy. To do this, you need to give them something they either want, or will appreciate (a subtle but important difference).
So, Quentin, in answer to your question... "Yes, it's fine to give a goat as a gift provided the person actually wants a goat" Fucking hell, it's not rocket science is it?
Oh, there's a corollary to that though. It's not right to give a goat as a gift to anyone with previous convictions for bestiality. That's not right at all.
So, Merry Christmas everyone. Oh, and this year I want to save you all money on cards by saying that instead I'd rather receive naked photos (if you're a fit woman) or naked photos of your fit female friends (everyone else).
And yes, I'm on the naughty list again this year, so I don't really expect anything.
posted by Peter The Great @ 2:03 PM
3 Comments:
Blimey - bleeding hearts with exceedingly tight fists. Why does it have to be either/or? If they really want to give to the developing world why not set up a direct debit to one of these charities (who value the stability of income that gives, rathert than getting one-off donations) and give other people normal presents, leaving them free to decide what is or is not given on their behalf.
If somebody 'gave' me a 'charity gift' I would be incensed.
If someone actualyl gave ME a Kalashnikov, on the other hand ...
Incensed rather than myrrhed or frankincensed?
Tri a little harder
Goats as Guardian reader gifts are great. Leave 'em tethered in the recipient's living room on Christmas Eve and they can come down on Baby Jesus's Special Day to find the tree, the carpet, the furniture, the presents, the curtains and half the bookcase (and books) all eaten. They will also be greeted by the smell of goat urine and little faecal 'gifts' scattered around their abode. Make sure the one you give is an old school goat that has been mercilessly teased by 12 years olds for the past half decade. Everyone loves a psychotic pet goat.
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