The Archive

Three cheers

It transpires that there is a kind and benevolent God.

Two cheerleaders were caught having drunken cheerleader sex with each other in a Florida nightclub.

Sweet.

This obviously just goes to prove that porn magazines are in fact paragons of documentary journalism and the world is as sex-crazed and filthy as I've always hoped. Hurrah.

It also goes to show, if you look at the pictures, of the power of make up and lighting. Note particularly the lovely Renee (on the left).

The well-lit, carefully crafted version...



And now... the reality...



To be fair, she's not bad even in the second shot, but the difference is quite something. Then again, it's really the same as the end of a night clubbing when the lights come up. Suddenly you realise the honey you've been dancing with is not so much Denise Richards as Keith. But at least by then you're drunk, which makes it all just fine.

I also rather liked the part in this story where one of the girls rather cunningly lied to the police about her name so now then can't do anything until they 'confirm her identity'.

You can see what happened here can't you?

"Officer Buck, let's check out the Florida Panthers' website. They'll have a picture of her and her name. That'll confirm her identity."
"Good idea Officer Chuck. Hmm. Hang on. Well there's a picture alright, but she looks a hell of a lot better in this picture than the mugshot. Can we be sure it's her?"
(Officer Buck looks his partner and winks.)
"You mean we'd better keep the hot lesbian sex cheerleaders here at the station for another day or so?"
"That's exactly what I mean Officer Buck."
(They high-five.)

So, to conclude: cheerleaders are hot. But lesbian sex cheerleaders are hotter.

Come to think of it, is there any sport on Earth that would not benefit from the addition of cheerleaders? I mean, how much better would, say, indoor cycling be if you added a dozen scantily clad women cheering the furious pedallers?

And if you took out the stupid blokes on bikes it would be even better. And perhaps if you made the velodrome a bit more exotic with some red velvet curtains and maybe a bar.

Oh hang on, that's just a strip club isn't it?

So, to conclude once again: cheerleaders are hot, lesbian sex cheerleaders are hotter and all sporting arenas should be converted to gentlemen's clubs as soon as possible.

Now that would make me happy about the olympics coming to Britain.

posted by Peter The Great @ 12:47 PM