The Archive

One step at a time

Day 2 of unemployment and things are looking a lot better.

I went to the gym again and it was, as ever, marvelous. Plus I think I've got a handle on how to approach the completion of the unfinished masterpiece. It's a two step programme. Step one is to pull my fucking finger out. Step 2 is to shut up and get on with it. In this respect it very much resembles Tory policy on unemployment.

While you wait for the opus to emerge like a papery butterfly on the shelves of Waterstones, a couple of tidbits from the news.

Apparently, Madonna's been moaning about everyone's interest in her crank religious views. Quite right Madge, it's not like you've ever courted the publicity after all.

Incidentally, I couldn't help but notice the new Madonna video whilst at the gym. Good lord, what was she thinking? She's packed it out with lovely looking young dancers and herself in various tight outfits. It looks suspiciously like an older woman desperate to prove she's still 'got it' by mixing it up with the young 'uns. And if 'it' is the look of a dehydrated vulture, then she's bang on.

Sorry, that was irrelevant. The point I was going to make is two-fold.

Firstly, this was a news story about how Madonna did not think her religion merited a news story. This presumably means that tomorrow we can expect another news story in which Madonna declares that her declaration that her religion didn't merit a news story didn't merit a news story (are you still with me? Good). This will, of course trigger a third story the next day in which... well you can see where this is going can't you?

Point being. Madonna - shut up.

The second reason this story was worth noting was that it generated the finest picture caption I have seen for some time. Under a picture of the woman herself it said:

Madonna: Does not care if Tom Cruise prays to turtles.

Well I'm glad that's cleared up.

Also in the news was a woman who paid £630 for a haircut but didn't like it suing her hairdreser (or something. She may have stabbed him in fact. Either way, she wasn't happy). Fair enough, a bad haircut is distressing. But when it happens, what would you do? Ask for your money back perhaps. Or request a restyle. Certainly you'd put on a hat.

What you probably wouldn't do is end up being prescribed sleeping pills and signed off work as a result of the trauma.

Clearly this woman has problems. And I'm not talking about her obviously insane overreaction to the new 'do. I'm thinking more along the lines of 'who the fuck spends over 600 quid on a haircut?'. Holy shit, no wonder she needed sleeping pills, I'd lie awake at night after a bill like that too.

Mind you, the last hairdresser I went to gave me a beer as part of the experience, which I didn't know could happen. So perhaps this hairdresser offers a complimentary blow job from an international call girl whilst you have your short back and sides.

Probably not though eh?

And finally, apparently Robbie Williams hates looking at old pictures of himself. Welcome to the club Robbie.

Oh, and question... whilst I'm out of work, should I sign up to become a 'non-sexual male escort'?

posted by Peter The Great @ 5:58 PM