The Archive

A Rivers runs through it

Jesus. It’s getting late and I haven’t posted.

So here are some poorly thought through, unfunny observations to tide you over to tomorrow (when, incidentally, I have a job interview. Wish me luck).

First off, Joan Rivers has been in the papers a lot in the last couple of days and I can’t help but notice she may have, er, spent a little time in surgery. Good grief! The woman looks more like a cartoon of herself than a real person.



If I didn’t know better, I’d say she was so keen to avoid being parodied by Spittting Image, she made herself look so much like a caricature puppet there was nowhere left for the satirists to take it. It's quite clever really, when you think about it.

Alternatively she’s an insane, vain old hag. One of the two anyway.

And also…

What women want… the results.

So, here it is, the final results of the great online dating experiment…

1. The Broker
No of views – 154
No of winks – 19
No emails (serious) – 1
Other – 1 email thanking for the comedy (I may have overdone it with the wife beating)

2. The poet
No of views – 56
No of winks – 1
No emails (serious) – 0
Other – 0

3. The Sporty Guy
No of views – 33
No of winks – 1
No emails (serious) – 0
Other – 0

4. The Real Me (as described by my female friends)
No of views – 18
No of winks – 0
No emails (serious) – 0
Other – 1 from Irina, the strangely-grammared Russian (she has white hair of the blonde, in case you’d forgotten).

In other words, if we’re talking the number of views per wink, we have…

Cash: 1 in 8.1
Athleticism: 1 in 33
Poetry: 1 in 56
Me: 0 in 18. Or none at all. Zero. Zip. Nothing. Nada.

Now, I hate to by cynical but it seems clear to me that what women say they want and what they really go for have been exposed as rather different things. It is, as P Puff Diddy Daddy D would say, ‘All about the Benjamins’.

On the plus side, our scientific experiment has borne out something that I said at the start of the experiment quite nicely.

If you recall, my exact words were, "I don’t know what women want, but I know it isn’t me."

And now we know that is absolutely, unequivocally true.

I can do science, me.

posted by Peter The Great @ 3:49 PM