The Archive

Kill it yourself

It turns out you can buy almost anything on eBay these days, including the right to shoot a deer

Basically, there’s some big old stag living in someone’s woods and the owner of the land (and the deer) is auctioning the right to come along and shoot it and keep the head (interestingly, the body is extra).

Personally, I think shooting animals is a splendid use of your spare time and consider this to be marvellous stuff. After all, I bet if your average elk got hold of a rifle, he’d be up in the clock tower picking off innocent shoppers before you can say ‘opposable thumb’ so why should we be any nicer to them?

But where will it end? When euthanasia is legalised, will we see people auctioning the opportunity to terminate their elderly relatives (the right to shoot a dear, you might say)?

Maybe vets can get in on the action too. After all, they’re always killing things aren’t they? They could make a mint selling off all their horse shooting and cat injecting jobs. That way, not only would they not have to do the work, they could even charge others for the privilege.

And serial killers. They could start letting other people carry out their next killing. In fact, you could end up with a whole serial killing franchise…

"Hi, I’m Larry and I’m the Alphabet Killer for the South West region. Yes, we’re really doing well down here and hoping to expand into Wales soon. Are you going to the National Conference?"

I can imagine the advert now 'Holiday Inn welcomes KillCon 2005'.

Minor dating experiment update: I was recently declared by a lovely woman I met to be 'not boyfriend material'. I can’t say I disagree, after all, I have also been declared 'not husband material' in a fairly unequivocal manner as well.

And no winks so far? Surprised?

No, me neither.

posted by Peter The Great @ 11:19 AM