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Dicktionary

I turned on the television the other day and discovered what is, to my mind, the most boring TV programme ever devised.

It’s called Star Spell in which ‘celebrities’ (in the sense of having ever been on television, ever. Or have owned a television.) are tested on their spelling.

That’s it. That’s the whole show.

Now I’m all in favour of educational programming, but really. Whoever thought this was good entertainment needs to be buried up to their neck in sand in the Broadcasting house car park, have a jam sandwich slapped on their head and then… release the fire ants.

Actually, if the cameras were rolling, that would be a far better use of my license fee. I’d tune in for certain.

However, as we in the office were discussing the paucity of entertainment offered by spelling, we came across the official site for the programme, featuring a ‘do it yourself’ spelling test.

Now this, my friends, is awesome. I know,. I know, I just complained about how boring spelling is. But that was just watching. With the online version, it becomes a competition.

So soon half the office (the male half, of course), is furiously pounding at their keyboards in an attempt to get the high score in a ferociously competitive spelling league.

And I won.

Of course I realise that compared with my failures on the dating arena (no winks so far, incidentally), my tremendous ability to arrange letters in the correct order is a very small achievement. But I won. So ha!

(Note to my male readers... ok then, the score to beat is 51. Feel free to post your gloating in the comments section when you've cracked it. I'm thinking of you here Family Guy Gav.)

Now having noticed how men will basically enter into any activity where they have a chance to beat other men (physically or figuratively, either is good), I began to wonder. Why have women not started to capitalise on this?

Surely if there were a World Cup of ironing, or housework Olympics, the source of most marital disputes would evaporate overnight. Suddenly, they’re not ‘chores’, they’re ‘training’. Women could put their feet up and enjoy a nice weepy movie (or whatever it is you people do) whilst their man rushed around the house trying to set a new world record for vacuuming (Dyson class).

So all you women out there, give it a go. And when you achieve domestic bliss thanks to my dazzling insight, send money to express your undying gratitude. Or naked pictures if you’re decent looking.

Final note. Does anyone remember that outtake of Countdown when Carol put up the first four letters and they spelled 'Cunt'?

Other final note. There is one great thing about that spelling show. At the end, as the presenter signs off, he always says 'Spelling is compelling'. Genius.

And if he's talking about Tori, he's quite right.

posted by Peter The Great @ 9:28 AM