The Archive

Always the bridesmaid

This just in… I didn’t get that job. And no, it wasn’t because they read this blog either, so you can stop with the ‘I told you so’ already.

In fact, feedback so far has included ‘You had great energy and were a great fit for the company but we thought you might feel constrained,’ and ‘Your energy was amazing and your skills were terrific’.

Or, to put it another way, ‘It’s not you, it’s me’.

Essentially, I’ve been dumped in the most annoying way imaginable. There’s nothing wrong with me, I’m great, there’s nothing I can do to improve but still, let’s not go out with each other eh?

Bugger.

Now I was planning on doing a big post about not getting this job, but the truth is I’m genuinely gutted at not getting it, as I don’t often see jobs that actually seem right for me, and this one was. And I don’t really want this post to descend into a word orgy of rage and self pity. So, moving on…

It became clear the other night as my flatmates and I were watching Sex and the City that beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder.

Now I’m not sure what happened in the episode itself because we spent the entire show arguing about

a) which of them, if any, are actually attractive and
b) the exact order in which, if compelled, we would have sex with them (presuming a post-apocalyptic world requiring repopulation in which we were the only survivors, naturally).

So, here are the conclusions:

Charlotte - Easily the best looking of the bunch. But is she sexy? Our household survey revealed that 33% said 'yes, of course, are you blind?' 33% said 'no, nice to look at but missing a certain shaggability' and 33% said 'I can see what you both mean, but it’s been a while, so yes'. On the other hand 100% said 'yes, another beer is an excellent idea.'

Miranda – One of the flatmates has something of a lawyer fetish (I know, but it takes all sorts) so he thinks she’s attractive. However, he also made the mistake of telling a female friend she looked like Miranda. The friend has not spoken to him since. This is because Miranda is OK looking, at best. However it could be worse…

Carrie – Despite being much trumpeted as an icon of glamour and attractiveness, this woman is actually a horse-faced baboon. Seriously, did nobody notice this woman’s nose? Or her face? She’s ugly, there’s no two ways about it. However, the flatmates agree, we still would. This is because individually we are unattractive, lonely and desperate. Collectively, however, we are an excellent boyfriend (if you keep only the best of all of us. But imagine the horror if you got the worst of all three.)

Samantha – Being the one who puts out gives Samantha something of a head start in the filthy minds of the flatmates, but a great debate raged. Does knowing she’s a bit of a slut make her more attractive or less so? I say more so and I’m writing this, so I win. Having said that, we did notice last night she really is getting on a bit and consequently has a neck like a turkey.

So, in short, when the bomb drops and it’s me and the girls left to keep the human race alive the order is: Samantha first (before it’s too late and her biological clock strikes twelve), followed by Charlotte, Miranda and finally, provided there are no reasonably attractive monkeys, dogs or horses that have survived the fallout, Carrie.

Sorry Carrie.

posted by Peter The Great @ 8:04 AM