The Archive

Face facts

Serendipity struck in science news yesterday (Gosh, that sounded like an over-alliterative local news report didn’t it). Anyway, we’ll start with this (thanks to Tina Shroomgirl for pointing this out)…

Executed convict skin used in Chinese beauty treatments

It’s hard to know where to start with this, so I’ll begin with a little causal racism.

What is it with Chinese medicine? It seems to me that it’s based on the theory that ‘something else must die so that I may be cured’. And the more rare/bizarre the dying creature the better. Suffering from athletes foot? Just apply this preparation of marmoset pancreas to the affected area. Nasty cold? Pop a couple of Siberian tiger nipples into hot water and inhale the steam. Pancreatic cancer? No problem, simply sacrifice the last surviving Brazilian Tapir, blend to a paste, spread it on a couple of slices of toast and you’ll be a-ok.

But executed convict skin? That’s a whole new order of weirdness. And best of all is the one guy’s reaction to the issue. "The use of skin from condemned convicts is "traditional" and nothing to "make such a big fuss about".

Now I have a major problem with the fact that something is ‘traditional’ is used by people to imply that this makes whatever it is OK. I’m sorry, but if you go back far enough, beating your wife is ‘traditional’ but that doesn’t make it right. Fun maybe, but not right.. And if you’re of Nordic extraction, rape and pillage are ‘traditional’ but you don’t see acts of unspeakable carnage taking place in Ikea do you? Well, maybe that’s not such a good example, but you know what I mean.

And another thing, they’re using executed convict skin in cosmetic treatments. I don’t have a joke to make here, I just keep having to write it down because I still can’t quite believe it.

And finally, this whole thing has opened up a world of cosmetic nastiness to me. Even if you choose not to use the dead Triad treatment, you’ll end up with something that’s likely to be “made from cattle or pig tissue.”

So what you’re doing here is going to the doctor’s and saying "Doc, I’m not beautiful enough. Please inject me with pig."

Jesus fucking Christ.

And on a related note – surely it’s no coincidence that yesterday also featured the news that…

US doctors prepare for first human face transplant.

Clearly it’s only a matter of time before you nip into the salon, look through the Big Book of Chinese Prisoners and pick out your brand new look.

It’ll certainly revolutionise fashion. Imagine the Vogue features. "Face of a rapist declared so last season." "It’s official: Arsonist is the new black."

Puts a whole new meaning to ‘I’ll just put my face on before I go out,’ doesn’t it?

posted by Peter The Great @ 8:19 AM