The Archive

Powder keg

I’ve been reading reports of an alcoholic powder available on the Internet. Not sure if it’s real or not, but outrage abounds.

Powdered booze (it's all in German, so good luck with that).

All the commentary I’ve seen is how this demonic product is going to turn the nation’s children violent alcoholics and cause them to rampage around a town centre near you.

Well here’s the news guys, you’re too late, they’re already like that. You only have to visit Croydon town centre on a Saturday night to witness a cavalcade of booze-fuelled moppets. Not that that’s a bad thing. After all, what are the chances of getting sucked off in an alley by a 16 year old in pigtails if she hasn’t been drinking? Not good, I can assure you.

But nobody has asked either of the important questions which, to my mind, are:

1. What happens when you snort it?
2. Can you dilute it with vodka instead of water? Will you die?

So if anyone out there is willing to try either of these things, strictly in the name of furthering of scientific knowledge of course, let me know how it goes.

I especially like the name – Sub You. Are they trying to tell us that, after drinking you become someone who is just like yourself, only worse? Because they’re right.

***

Last night I had dinner with my brother, my dad and his girlfriend.

Rather brilliantly, I had been reliably informed it was the girlfriend’s birthday. So I dutifully got a card and one for my brother too, as he hadn’t got her one, not being as thoughtful as me, obviously.

Then I headed out to the restaurant, forgetting that I’d left both cards on my bed at home, so I bought another 2 cards on the way to the restaurant.

So imagine my surprise when, on presenting the cards, the woman said ‘it’s not my birthday’. I was out by a two months!

So overall I managed to buy FOUR cards for someone and it wasn’t even her birthday.

I am, officially, an idiot.

posted by Peter The Great @ 10:37 AM