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Gorilla tactics

I just can't stop thinking about the possibility of buying exotic animals on the web . Consequently, I have come up with...

The Top 10 Things To Do With Your Newly Purchased Gorilla

1. Dress it as a waiter and have it serve you dinner every night (don’t joke, there was a woman who trained her pet gorilla to do just that. See the film Buddy)

2. Take it to a nightclub and see if the bouncers let it in (my gorilla vs the club’s – geddit). Make sure the gorilla has valid ID, but is wearing trainers.

3. Wait until it’s foggy, then take it for a walk (think about it).

4. Train it to attack intruders. Put ‘Caution, Guard Gorilla on Duty’ signs in your garden.

5. Take it to a Gorillaz concert. See if you can get it in for free.

6. Take it to the pub and introduce it to your friends and colleagues as your new girlfriend. See if anyone says anything.

7. Keep it in the kitchen for opening jars with stuck lids. Insist that you loosened it when the lid comes off.

8. Take it to the local barbers. Sit it in the chair, ask for a shave and see where they start.

9. Go along with it to your local army recruitment office. See if they take him.

10. Pop round to visit that mate who still owes you £50 from three years ago to see how he’s getting on.

So, all in all, it’s quite clear that with careful planning, your new gorilla could easily represent £4,500 well spent.

posted by Peter The Great @ 12:45 PM